Music has always been my number-one passion. The past few years that I’ve spent writing, recording, and producing original music have been incredibly rewarding. But, at the same time, they’ve also been incredibly frustrating. I’ve worked tirelessly trying to make the music thing happen but, at some point, I have to accept the harsh truth: it’s not happening. I’ve failed.

So, I think I’m done with music – for now, at least. And when I say done, I mean I’m done writing and putting out songs, not done playing and listening to music for pleasure. And I’ll still be giving lessons part time. But I’m done working my ass off to make original music, then having to create tons of content to promote those songs. It’s a real grind and the payoff doesn’t justify the effort at all. Some people make it work but, despite my best efforts, I haven’t been able to.

acoustic guitar

That being said, I just released what will likely be the last music I ever put out: a six-song acoustic indie-folk EP titled Tanning In The Moonlight. This EP is a little different than anything else I’ve put out. It’s acoustic and folksy like my last few releases, but the subject matter the songs cover is a bit different.

Tanning In The Moonlight deals with themes of loss, despair, sickness and chronic illness, regret, grief, and sadness. This EP is a lot more personal than anything else I’ve released. Like everything I’ve put out before it, I’m both incredibly proud and sick of it.

I won’t be doing very much promotion for this EP. I’m just putting it out into the world where it’ll likely get lost in the void along with the thousands of other songs released everyday. But if you give Tanning In The Moonlight a listen and you like it, please share it with someone you think might also like it.

There are two songs on the EP that I’m particularly proud of – the last two tracks. The first four? Meh. But the last two songs, I put every ounce of my heart and soul into. In fact, the first time I tried to record the vocals to the song Must Be Nice, I broke down and started balling right there in the recording booth halfway through the song and had to stop.

I know a lot of you (my readers), like me, have a chronic illness. Must Be Nice is a song about how it must be nice to know what it’s like to be healthy. The song’s chorus is:

It must be nice

Knowing what it’s like

To feel alright

It must be nice

Me trying to hold it together long enough to record Must Be Nice.

When I tried to record that song for the first time, those lyrics really hit me. You’d think they would’ve done that when I wrote them but, for some reason, they didn’t really sink in until I was in the booth recording. Then I burst into tears – something that’s only happened twice over the past 25 years – and had to stop because that’s when it hit me: I’ve never known what it’s like to feel alright… to be alright – to really be and feel alright.

If you have a chronic illness, see if you can relate to Must Be Nice’s lyrics. I hope you can’t, but strongly suspect you will. And if you like the song, please share it in any chronic-illness groups or message boards you might belong to as well as with any friends who might also be able to relate. Here’s Must Be Nice on Spotify.

The last song on the EP is its title track, Tanning In The Moonlight. This one’s about me coming to terms with the fact that I’m nothing special and, in spite of trying as hard as I can to find success, all I’ve actually found is the cold, hard truth that me and my music are mediocre at best. Like Must Be Nice, Tanning In The Moonlight is incredibly personal. But at least I managed to record the latter without bursting into tears.

So, if I’m giving up on the music dream, what now? Don’t worry: I’m not giving up on life entirely. Though the rare illness I have (Behcet’s disease/rheumatoid arthritis) continues to gradually progress, I still hopefully have plenty of productive years left in me before it’s time to throw in the towel. So, what I’ve decided to do is go back to what I was doing before pivoting to music a few years ago… writing.

I’ve gone back to writing (short stories and articles so far) and have already been at it for a couple of months now. So far, things are going very well and I’m optimistic about the future. For perspective, I’ve earned more from writing over the past month than I did from music over the past year.

I’m curious to know… If you’re someone who discovered me because of my writing, what would you like to see me write more of in the future? Non-fiction? Science fiction? Fantasy? LitRPG? Or something else? Please leave your answer in the comments section at the bottom.

I think that’s all I wanted to share in this post. If you like my music, especially my acoustic stuff, please give Tanning In The Moonlight a listen (Spotify) (everywhere else). If you really want to help support me, you can buy Tanning In The Moonlight on Bandcamp along with my other music. Again, please share with friends, family, and random internet people who you think might like it.

And don’t hesitate to share your thoughts about Tanning In The Moonlight if you give it a listen. Whether you think the whole EP is great or you think every second of every song sucks, I want to hear it. So, feel free to leave a comment sharing your thoughts.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I really appreciate every single one of my readers, listeners, and viewers. The love and support I’ve gotten warms my heart in a way that nothing else can – except maybe a shot of bourbon on a cold night, but I quit drinking over a decade ago. So your love and support’s all I got. And in return, for you: lovin’ is what I got… I said remember that!

Take care and be well!!!

Ellis Michaels